Comfortable Misery
When it comes to jobs, far too many people are in a state of comfortable misery. This is the state wherein, according to Daniel Johnston’s book Lessons for Living, “you are miserable, but you have gotten used to it.”
We all know the feeling of sticking with something beyond its productive benefit or purpose – whether it is an old pair of jeans or shoes or a relationship that you just keep on giving “just one more chance”. What causes us to knowingly stay in situations or hang on to things we know we ought not to? Well, the answer to this question is the same as to why most people are still in jobs that offer no true satisfaction.
Bottom line is this: it is easier to stick with an unhappy known than to attempt to find a better place in the unknown. So, fear of the unknown holds many people in jobs that they don’t enjoy, in relationships that are not working, and generally holds them back from living a better, happier life. Granted, there are risks associated with change, but don’t fall victim to the false notion that there are no risks in not changing. In fact, the risks of inaction often times far outweigh the risks of doing something.
What’s interesting to note about job satisfaction levels in recent years is that they are declining across the board, regardless of age, income or even residence. Workers below the age of 25 have over a 60% dissatisfaction rate, the worst level since the inception of The Conference Board job satisfaction survey. And while age, money and geography can make a difference in these survey results, overall, people are simply less and less happy in their jobs.
Clearly something has to change. Is it the work itself? Is it specific company policies? Is it compensation and/or benefits? Personally, I believe that changes in these things could have short-term impacts on job satisfaction. But, for a long-term solution to this problem, what has to change is employee attitude and expectation. Basically, I think people must modify their personal definition of what “satisfaction” from a job actually means. For example, as younger workers enter a new position, they are excited by the nature and meaning of the work itself. As they advance in their careers, however, they rise in the organizational chart of their company and get further and further from the work itself and assume more responsibility for management of the work/process. Often times, this dynamic leads a manager to micromanage, aggravating those beneath them, and causing voids in the management of the work that they ought to be focusing on. As this process continues, they lose interest in their jobs, their employees become increasingly dissatisfied and the overall work environment becomes laden with negativity.
If people could shift their definition of what constitutes satisfaction and normalize their expectations about their jobs, overall job satisfaction levels would likely increase. I have learned in my professional years, to derive satisfaction not necessarily from doing the day-to-day work itself, but rather from helping others motivate teams to get the work completed on their own while I manage the overall team’s outcomes and future directions. Being able to derive satisfaction from helping others advance in their own careers and managing the expectations of appropriate stakeholders, required a shift in my perspective as I earned promotions along my career path. Of course this wasn’t always easy and I learned some hard lessons along the way. However, I’ve learned from experience and continue to do so while successfully making the mental shift to re-define satisfaction for myself.
Nina Nets It Out: Don’t allow yourself to fall prey to comfortable misery within your career. Not only does doing so make for many unhappy days in your own job and life, but it serves no productive purpose for your company either. Rather, leverage your ultimate power to shift your thinking about what satisfies you. To be sure, sometimes a job change is the right decision, but often times, just making a mental pivot is all that is required.
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“To be sure, sometimes a job change is the right decision, but often times, just making a mental pivot is all that is required.”
Refreshing to read! and oh so very true.. A change
may not be possible right now,,,however a thought,
a dream, a future prospect can refresh the here and
now. Go on an interview, like going on vacation
just might spark what is needed to get one through and out of the miserable comfort zone.
Thanks Nina!!
Nina – It breaks my heart seeing people such as you have described living in a state of “comfortable misery”
Your post has a lot of great points about about perception and what “work satisfaction” really is.
Something I see frequently is individuals who trap themselves into a career they hate because they went to college for a particular field and then realize it wasn’t what they expected. These folks feel stuck in their field and eventually reach an equilibrium point of comfortable misery.
I can’t offer a silver bullet to fix this, but it is clear that it deeply hurts both employees and the organizations they work for.
Chris,
I couldn’t agree more…fortunately, I LOVE what I do. I just hate to see so many people living in comfortable misery within their own careers. It pains me that many people don’t get the satisfaction and enjoyment from their work like I do.
To your point about education, I studied Italian and History and certainly didn’t trap myself in a career drenched in those topics!
Like you, I don’t know of a silver bullet, but I firmly believe that it begins with redefining “satisfaction” and changing attitudes/expectations. It is truly amazing what re-framing a situation in these ways can accomplish!
Thoreau was not only right, but prophetic about the corporate world (other worlds too).
It’s good to know that you are a part of the “awakening” effort.
Hey Eric,
I assume you are referring to his quote: “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” He, unfortunately, did have it right, but Winston Churchill had it right too when he said “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”
Clearly, I subscribe to Winston’s philosophy!!
Hey Teddy,
Thanks for your comment. Go ahead and take that mental vacation. It may just refresh you enough to keep going!!
Nina-
I believe that job dissatisfaction can stem from many factors. It is interesting that many studies show that the most attractive element for job satisfaction is not salary, benefits or opportunity- it is a good boss.Strong leadership cannot be underestimated and , unfortunately, many managers tend to micromanage, discipline and intimidate-especially when they are pressured from above.
Also, the external pressures of society, especially for the younger workforce, may be causing unrealistic expectations.
Older workers, like myself, feel sense of loyalty to their companies, making changes a very emotionally charged decison.In addition, long-term employees often have the “golden handcuffs” on them.
A solution? Do what you love or love what you do-our both…have strong direction early on…be greatful for what you have, but not necessarily satisfied…understand that work is not who you are-it should always be what you do. Be proud of what you do, but don’t be defined by it.
Chas
Chas,
All remarkably well stated points which we can all learn from, whether we are older workers or younger workers. Your point about being grateful but not satisfied is interesting. I have always been grateful for what I have been able to accomplish professionally but never got content with it. I strive daily to expand myself and my opportunities, as well as to empower those who work around me to do the same. To me, contentment can lead to a reduction in ambition or striving to reach further achievements. Anyway, great points and thanks for sharing with us all.
Nina,
I hear what you’re saying. But frankly, I do not believe that cliches and quotes really get to the heart of the matter with “comfortable misery”. The work dynamic is complicated. People are aware of the potential benefits of making a change but there is a deep, underlying insecurity that is perpetuated by the work environment itself. A change in attitude requires significant reflection, discussion with trusted advisors (including family members), and a leap of faith. Then, appropriate steps need to be taken to align one’s inner and outer worlds.
Maslow’s hieracrhy of needs tells us that people are ultimately motivated in their work if they feel like they are working toward their full potential. A “mental pivot” is not enough!
http://www.mindheartbody.blogspot.com
Best,
Gattosan
Gattosan,
Thanks for your comments. I certainly don’t disagree that the work dynamic is complicated. However, I do firmly believe that people can choose their attitudes about everything they encounter. For example, if a car cuts me off on the freeway, I can get upset or I can ignore it and go about my day. Likewise, if I am not taking satisfaction in my job, I can choose to quit or I can choose to find the elements of my job that do offer satisfaction. To me, a “mental pivot” can be very powerful.
This all said, as you are confronting being laid off, you can choose to respond to this situation in varying ways. I do not mean to oversimplify things in any way whatsoever as I do realize the harsh realities of being laid off. However, just to make an example, you can choose to be angry at your employer for laying you off or you can choose to see your situation as an opportunity to make a positive change. In my mind, there is nothing productive from the former reaction and nothing but potential in the latter. Again, a “mental pivot” can be powerful if the emotional elements can be adequately controlled.
Thanks for stopping by and I do hope, as you say on your blog, that being laid off is “the best thing that ever happened to you.”
cute post.
one comment…comfortable misery with a job is better than uncomfortable poverty without one.
As your post states, “shift your definition”…everything depends on your perspective.
Marianne,
Certainly all things can be viewed from different perspectives. I was addressing the perspective of the many unsatisfied employees, not that of the unemployed.
I am not frightened of “the unknown”; I am frightened of very specific and measurable consequences to my health if I find myself without a job. I have changed jobs when necessary, but I have always made sure that I am employed at all times (since age 18, anyhow), that being the only way to afford the medications and other things I need to stay alive.
Some people are fortunate enough to be temporarily in a position where they can manage not to work, but for most of us this situation will come about sooner or later.
I will also add that I have never understood why people are encouraged to go into work they enjoy and then are encouraged/expected to stop doing it in order to supervise other people doing it. I’m fifty, perhaps two-thirds of the way through my career, and I have managed to continue working rather than supervising, something I would *not* enjoy and in fact would suck at. It should be obvious that we can’t all be supervisors, so why encourage people to aim at it when they don’t want to do it and can’t do it well?
John,
Thanks for your comments. I thoroughly encourage people to maintain employment as financial or other circumstances dictate. However, what I am attempting to describe is the situation wherein employees get “dead ended” in careers due to reasons that to some extent and in some circumstances, they can in fact control. I realize that this, like nearly every generalization, does not apply to everyone. But, it would be to everyone’s general benefit if people didn’t stay in positions that they weren’t deriving any satisfaction with.
I think it is completely appropriate for you to have stayed in the “working” mode throughout your career vs. a supervisory role which as you say, you would not enjoy. Perhaps more people ought to follow this approach and stay in roles that suit them and from which they take satisfaction vs. following the more traditional route of being “promoted” into roles that they do not enjoy as much. I for one do not encourage people to take all such “promotions” that are offered to them.
Thanks again for bringing out this important point.
John,
I just came across one further comment to your point from another great leadership blogger, Dan McCarthy, and thought you might appreciate it as well. Take a look at his post here:
http://greatleadershipbydan.blogspot.com/2008/05/12-steps-to-boost-your-leadership-self.html
with a particular note of item #1.
Nina,
I believe you are correct about the importance of the employee’s role in dissolving the “misery shackles”.
It can sometimes help to take Ricardo Semler’s sound bytes to heart e.g. “Work is the arch enemy of free time.”
From there good things can start to flow.
regards
mark mcclure
tokyo
Mark,
That said, both employees and employers have a part in overall satisfaction, which if approached correctly, leads to so many benefits for all involved. For example, the best way to satisfied customers is satisfied employees. Clearly, all businesses want satisfied and loyal customers. So, by starting toward that goal by helping employees achieve higher levels of satisfaction, everyone wins!
I think Ricardo Semler has it right!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights!!
Answering a question like this is not easy, as the topic is strongly cultural, economical and societal related. People in Western world have to deal with market and competition driven economies. We seem to be trapped in this perceived constant search for growth or other so called higher goals in life (thank you Mr. Maslow). Unfortunately our system strongly focuses on the individual and is based on competition (not cooperation) with among others greed and envy as a result. In the long run, this has (unconsciously) a negative impact on our feeling of well being (as you like our comfort zone). We, partially our generation, have created an economic system where (continuous) growth is associated with success and feeling happy. But nature doesn’t work this way, so I believe that the real reason so many people are apparently not happy with their (working) lifes is because of this. When you are in your 40′s you sooner or later ask yourself this question: ‘is this it??” and the answer might very well be ‘yes, unfortunately this might be it’. We have just driven off track too much, both on an individual level as on a collective level.
After 20 years of post graduate working experience I have learned, that life is the most unpredictable force there is: you better take it just the way it is. Due to all these discussion and the infinite stream of sometimes disturbing / contradictory information we are confronted with in our daily lifes, most of us develop this unconscious feeling that ‘something’ isn’t right about all this. Instead, we start searching for ‘things’ that are really valuable for human beings (which is not that second house in the mountains, that stressful and time consuming career or whatever non valid reason). So, our economic and cultural system, business and personal perception how life should look like are the key aspects in dealing with this problem of ‘constant uneasiness’. As soon as you understand this concept, it is easier to deal with your own situation but the result might well be that this ‘rat race’ we participate in, suddenly becomes totally irrelevant to you…..even better: as soon as you realize it is irrelevant, striving after an ‘old fashioned’ career is not a logical next step anymore. If it doesn’t make you happy and you can afford yourself to quit a job or habit, than quit and do the things you do feel comfortable with.
Marcel,
I agree with you that this issue is one of much complexity due to cultural, economic and societal influences. I further believe, as you apparently do, that it is a subjective issue that must be decided upon by each individual and that what is “right” for one individual may not be “right” for everyone. How one measures success is very personal….for some it might be climbing a corporate ladder while for others it may be maximizing personal or family time.
Many do get caught up in the “rat race” and lose sight of the truly important things in life…which for some, certainly not all, may very well be the “rat race” itself. But one must remember to treat their measurement as personal and not impose it upon others.
Thanks for your very insightful comments.